"Who am I that You are mindful of Me?"
This line of "I am of Friend of God" is one that is constantly rolling through my head today. I realize the last time I updated my blog was 3 weeks before I left Canada. I will need to go back and fill in some gaps. I apologize. But God has done a total makeover in my life and heart this summer and there were definitely times where I just had to withdraw from the opinions of others and really seek the Lord and clearly hear His voice. I apologize if that withdraw affected some friendships but....it was necessary in my life for a season.
So where am I now and what's going on?
Well..I'm in Savannah, GA. I moved back in with my Mom, which honestly, has been great. It's been a long time since I've lived back at home and while I was really nervous about the transition at my age, having been independent all these years, it has been sweet to have this time at home. I'm loving the fact that I'm in the same town as my brother and his wife and my new nephew, Tucker, (I LOVE being an Aunt), and my sister Jordyn, and her boyfriend are visiting this week. I've lived away from my family for a long time now and I'm soaking in these season of closer proximity.
I left for Canada a very broken, jaded, self-loathing woman (although I didn't realize it at the time)........and I have returned restored, hopeful, and more confident than I've been in years. I haven't been able to find a job, I'm having to share a car with my mother at the moment bc mine is retired, I'm down to my last few dollars with no idea how I'll pay my bills next month. BUT......I'm not stressed out. I can truly type this with an unexplainable peace. And full of HOPE.
As I reflect on the past few months, I am able to see God's fingerprints on even the smallest seemingly unimportant details of my life...
there is no coincidence with God. Here are some of the ways I am experiencing and relishing in God's goodness..
1. Just so everyone is up to speed. God brought an amazing man into my life towards the end of my summer. His name is Luke. The story of how we met is worth a blog on its own, but lets just say..it was unexpected and every day I count my blessings that God has seen fit for us to start a journey together. No, he is NOT Canadian for those who want to know if I met my Canadian husband, and NO, he is not the Russian man I met on the city bus. He lives in California, but we met by way of Canada. He has his Masters in Christian Counseling and is working on his certification as a Marriage and Family Therapist. So yes....cross country...fun fun. I will be spending thanksgiving with him and in the meantime... lots of Skype dates. I will say I am extremely challenged by him and he spurs me on daily to becoming the best version of myself possible.
2. God brought a small group of people into my life right before I left through a friends house church, now my family as well. They covered me in prayer, supported me while I was gone, and have given me a place to be welcomed into upon my return back to Savannah. They also challenge me and encourage me in my faith and God ordained that meeting before I left so I would have a place to belong when I came back.
3. I will be completely blunt and say...when I was thinking about returning to Savannah..I knew my Mom would want me to go back to my old church...but I had zero desire for that to happen. I had even emailed the new pastor and made this struggle and thought known to him. I just had too many issues with things that had happened in the past. But I type this with an extremely humble and gracious heart and say..."Today is a new day." He makes "All things new." And this church is in a new season. Trust me..I was the queen skeptic going in...but God is doing a Renovation in that church and in the hearts of those who serve and worship there. I am EXCITED about what is happening, and I am so thankful that God brought me back to this season. This morning the pastor gave the best sermon I've ever heard on loving your neighbor and serving the poor.....it is NOT by accident....that this happens to be the cry of my heart...and as I try to discern how I am supposed to live this out in this city...I was broken, in tears, at the altar at the end of the sermon, with my family praying behind me.....knowing full well that God had brought me back here full circle....to a church with a new vision, and my heart with a renewed love for the church.
4. Mo Leverett, a singer/song writer, and someone who has done inner city ministry in New Orleans and other areas for years came and gave a concert at the church last night. I was invited to have dinner with him and the missions committee to talk about being the hands and feet in our community. As I sat down across from him and told him of what I had been doing in Vancouver this summer and just my heart and burden for those in poverty, I literally felt as if someone looked deep in my soul and said..."I understand..I get you." Without even having to say a word. I will never be able to explain how thankful I am for that moment of feeling like I was understood, especially as I work out what that tangibly looks like in this city. I am encouraged that I have a new brother who wants to continue that dialogue and help.
I have lived so long in "self" Mode. How hard my life has been, or how painful certain struggles have been or how unfairly I've been treated at times. But those blinders have been removed and I found myself with tears of Joy this morning singing..."How Great Thou Art"
I don't know how this all works out on paper...between a boyfriend across the country to a heart a for type of ministry that really doesn't pay. But there is so much freedom in my spirit knowing that I don't have to have it all figured out today. I recently told someone.."Stop trying to fight for what you want and surrender to what God may be doing." And that is exactly what I'm going to do. The impossible dream in my heart is only possible with God. Lord may I never just attempt the things that I can do own my own, and may YOUR Glory be shown in my life.
There are no words that can do justice to the amount of gratitude I have for Pastor Haupi Tombing and his family for inviting me to Vancouver, Welcoming me into their home, Loving me, Nursing me back to emotional and spiritual health, and challenging me daily. God used your family and the friendships of those in Vancouver to once again change my life. You are all forever in my hearts.
And for the ones who encouraged, supported, prayed for, and challenged me from afar........I hope that this post gives you some idea of just how much your generosity and support meant to my life.
Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee. How Great Thou Art...How Great Thou Art...
With Love and Peace,
Morgan
