I'm trying to get into the habit of blogging on a more regular basis. I have no idea how many people actually make it through my extremely long ramblings, but if for no other reason...its a journal of sorts for me. And at the end of the day..I'm so exhausted these days, the last thing I want to do it write....so typing is MUCH faster.
Life is happening at lightening speed these days. I feel like I'm learning more on a daily basis than my brain can handle, and I'm definitely not processing it as fast as I would like. Something happened today that caused me to reflect back on my childhood.
Now..my mom will be the first to admit to you that I came out of the womb with the spirit of an adult and I tried to be one from a very early age. Don't get me wrong, I have a few memories of barbie dolls and little kid things, but all in all....I FEEL like I was an adult from an early age. I grew up very quickly. I don't know if its just Birth Order, and being the oldest.....but there are definitely some moments where I would like to go back and experience "childhood" again.
In school I used to get really aggravated when kids acted like kids and often wanted people to "Grow up." And even more so as an adult, when childish behavior is displayed, my patience level is thin. I've heard from several people recently that when someone experiences trauma at a young age, they kind of become emotionally stuck there if they don't deal with it. They can revert back to some of that emotional and behavioral at whatever age the trauma happened. This makes sense to me as I see people on a daily basis who sometimes display this theory. There are many who didn't even have an option of "being a child" because of life circumstances and were forced to take on the role of an adult for survival mode. I remember when my Dad left feeling so resentful that my teenage years had been interrupted and everything had to change.....I felt like I, as the oldest, had to take on the other parental role. And it did affect me socially and emotionally..
There are a few individuals in my life with whom I can be "Silly"...but more often than not it takes EFFORT for me to truly let loose. I'm afraid I'll look immature or ridiculous and have trouble really laughing AT myself. But today as I watched a young woman chase a man down the street to take a picture with him and a giant inflatable ball that looked like the world, and watched her swing with the kids at the park....I noticed the joy that you would see on child's face. God was redeeming part of the lost childhood back. So in my attempt to be a kid..I got an ice cream cone, and took a picture on playground equipment, and tried not to care. I also took a picture with the guy and the giant inflatable world.
At almost 30, I want to remember what its like to have faith like a child. To have wonder and curiosity and uninhibited joy.
I think we could all stand to have a little more "Inner Child" in us at times....and I intend to find her again.
Here's to princess dreams, finger paint, ice cream cones, tea parties, and mud pies.
What was your favorite childhood activity? I'm open to suggestions and some recess friends for the journey.
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